My room smells like vodka and shame
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
