We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
