its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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