I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
