he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
