So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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