It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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