Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
