Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
