i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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