so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
