Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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