im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
