Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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