you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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