Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This baby is an asshole
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
