You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just pee around me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
