That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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