Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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