So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
