I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
