Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
