I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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