Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
