The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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