Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

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(720): View more from Colorado

just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

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(315): View more from New York

Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...

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(419): View more from Ohio

I have dibs on his crisis of faith.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.

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(512): View more from Texas

My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.

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