and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
