Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
