is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
