Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
