Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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