the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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