Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
