my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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