walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
