We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
