Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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