I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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