Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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