What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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