so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
