just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
