She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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