I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
