I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
