New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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