I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
