Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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