Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
