dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
