pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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