so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
