it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
