the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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